HOWEDY Madge,
"madge" <spammailformadge@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote in message
news:op.uiif5ovzk3k1nz@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> Scraper and bot
THAT'S in VIOLATIHOWEN of the FUN-dumb-mental
principles of Kibo *(pronHOWENCED k-ee-bo) <{}: ~ ( >
"Everything is unique in exactly the same way!"
SEE??
> Hi Di Hi Ho bloody ho. Using up the universal bitspace is allowed.
Fine. Will alt.religion.kibology accept HOWER rpdb refugees?
The Kibology Center is a non-non-profit arm of the
_____________________/ National Association
for Kibological Awareness(****A).
> Please fill in the following form
No need to, Madge, we're both guilty on all C-HOWENTS:
> Dear:
> [ ] Sir [ ] Spammer [ ] Twit [ ] Clueless
> Newbie
> [ ] Madam [ ] Comrade [ ] Management Baboon [ ] Idjit
> [ ] Kook [ ] <AHEM!> [ ] Marketroid [ ]
> Obergruppenfuehrer
> [ ] B1FF [ ] 3L33T D00D!!! [ ] anon@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
[ ]
> Other:________________
>
>
> I took exception to your recent post to __(newsgroup)___
>
> It was (check all that apply):
>
> [ ] lame.
> [ ] stupid.
> [ ] pointless.
> [ ] tasteless.
> [ ] much longer than any worthwhile thought of which you may be
capable.
> [ ] an obvious troll.
>
> Your attention is drawn to the fact that (check all that apply):
>
> [ ] you made a ridiculously off topic post to a newsgroup.
> [ ] you made a ridiculously off topic post to numerous newsgroups.
> [ ] you obviously don't know how to read your newsgroups line.
> [ ] you started a long, stupid thread.
> [ ] you continued spreading a long, stupid thread.
> [ ] you crossposted a long, stupid thread.
> [ ] you are the subject of a long, stupid thread.
> [ ] what you said has been said before.
> [ ] and it was said better the last time.
> [ ] your post was a pathetic imitation of ___(net.personality)__.
> [ ] your post originated on FidoNet.
> [ ] your post originated on aol.com.
> [ ] your post originated on ix.netcom.com.
> [ ] your post originated on a FirstClass BBS.
> [ ] your post referred to the newsgroup as a Board, BBoard, BBS,
> Domain, or Notesfile.
> [ ] you quoted someone's whole article.
> [ ] and added absolutely nothing.
> [ ] except your .sig file.
> [ ] and added meaningless gibberish.
> [ ] specifically, your .sig file.
> [ ] you posted a "Check out my Web Page" article.
> [ ] off-topic.
> [ ] and your web page sucks.
> [ ] you posted some sort of crap that doesn't belong in this group.
> [ ] again.
> [ ] and it was boring.
> [ ] the first time.
> [ ] you posted the inanely stupid 'Make Money Fast' article.
> [ ] you predicted the "Imminent Death of the Net (tm)".
> [ ] from delphi.com.
> [ ] from AOL.com.
> [ ] from FIDOnet.
> [ ] you advocated Net censor****p.
> [ ] you made one or more bigoted statements.
> [ ] you repeatedly assumed unwarranted moral or intellectual
superiority.
> [ ] you are under the misapprehension that this group is your preserve.
> [ ] you are clearly up way past your bedtime.
> [ ] you seem to be under compulsion to post to every thread.
> [ ] your post contained the terms (check all that apply):
> [ ] "surf the net"
> [ ] "surf the web"
> [ ] "hacker"
> [ ] "warez"
> [ ] "cyber___(insert suffix here)___"
> [ ] "Information Superhighway
> [ ] "\C\a\b\a\l"
> [ ] your post contained commercial advertising.
> [ ] for an obvious scam.
> [ ] that's been posted so many times it has its own cancelbot.
> [ ] your post contained numerous errors in (check all that apply):
> [ ] spelling.
> [ ] grammar.
> [ ] fact.
> [ ] logic.
> [ ] YOUR POST CONTAINED EXCESSIVE CAPITALIZATION AND/OR
PUNCTUATION!!!!!
> [ ] you posted a newgroup message without Leader Kibo's permission.
> [ ] you posted an rmgroup message without Bruce Becker's permission.
> [ ] you posted a test message to a non-test group.
> [ ] your post/letter was a forgery.
> [ ] a clumsy one.
> [ ] you used the phrase "Information Superhighway".
> [ ] to make a lame hiqhway-related analogy:
> [ ] roadkill
> [ ] pothole
> [ ] other: ____________
> [ ] you asked for replies via email because you "don't read this
group".
> [ ] you flamed someone who:
> [ ] has been around far longer than you.
> [ ] is far more intelligent and witty than you.
> [ ] and considering who you flamed, that's sad.
> [ ] your post contained HTML tags.
> [ ] which are not parseable under any known implementation of HTML.
> [ ] your lines are 80 columns wide or wider.
> [ ] and your editor:
> [ ] wrapped them, making them difficult to read.
> [ ] truncated them, making them impossible to read.
> [ ] your .sig is ridiculous because (check all that apply):
> [ ] it's longer than four lines.
> [ ] and your server truncated it.
> [ ] it was inserted in a posting you made "anonymously" through
> penet.fi.
> [ ] you included a stupid disclaimer.
> [ ] which made an attempt at being witty.
> [ ] and it failed.
> [ ] miserably.
> [ ] you stated you do not speak for your employer.
> [ ] and included the company logo.
> [ ] you included (check all that apply):
> [ ] a stupid self-quote.
> [ ] a stupid quote from a net.nobody.
> [ ] a Rush Limbaugh quote.
> [ ] an Adolf Hitler quote.
> [ ] a Dan Quayle joke.
> [ ] a reference to Beavis & Butthead.
> [ ] one or more lame ASCII graphics (check all that apply):
> [ ] USS Enterprise
> [ ] Australia
> [ ] AT&T logo
> [ ] bicycle
> [ ] Bart Simpson
> [ ] other:____________
>
> Furthermore:
>
> [ ] you have greatly misunderstood the purpose of ___(newsgroup)__
> [ ] you have greatly misunderstood the purpose of the net.
> [ ] you are a loser.
> [ ] *plonk*
> [ ] you must have spent your life in a Skinner box to be this clueless.
> [ ] this has been pointed out to you before.
> [ ] twice.
> [ ] more than twice.
> [ ] you appear to be an idiot.
> [ ] you appear to be a raving lunatic.
>
> It is recommended that you:
>
> [ ] stick to FidoNet and come back when you've grown up.
> [ ] stop reading __(newsgroup)__ and get a life.
> [ ] learn to type.
> [ ] consume excrement.
> [ ] consume excrement and thus expire.
>
> Additional comments:
> *****************************************************************
> * *
> * *
> * *
> * *
> *****************************************************************
> Please return form to the norm.
>
>
>
> ALT.RELIGION.KIBOLOGY
> FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS.
>
> "WHAT TIME IS IT?"
> 7:04pm, Sunday, November 24, 1991. (Eastern US time.)
>
> "WHAT'S ON TV?"
> "60 Minutes" is starting. Andy Rooney is going to kill Charles
> Osgood with a pool cue and paper clips.
>
> "WHERE CAN I FIND THE FAQ LIST?"
> Depends on what FAQ list you're looking for. The alt.religion.kibology
> FAQ can be found in alt.postmodern. The alt.postmodern FAQ is in
> alt.***. The alt.*** FAQ is in alt.exploding.kibo. The
> alt.exploding.kibo
> FAQ is in rec.arts.tv.soaps. The rec.arts.tv.soaps FAQ is in the
bathtub.
>
> "SPEAKING OF BATHTUBS, KIBO, WHAT'S THAT BLUE STUFF IN YOUR SOAP DISH?"
> It's a special liquid soap I found that smells just like Blue Kool-Aid
> tastes. No, it won't dye your skin.
>
> "WHAT'S THE RIGHT WAY TO PRONOUNCE YOUR NAME?"
> Loudly, very loudly. But seriously, folks... I say the 'i' in "Kibo" as
> 'eye'. Most people say 'ee' as in 'see', some say the short 'i' as in
> 'bit'.
> I don't care what you say. Just _spell_ it right.
>
> "HOW DID YOU GET THAT NAME?"
> Somewhat accidentally. Don't ask.
>
> "HOW DID YOU GET THAT NAME?"
> I said...
>
> "WHAT'S KIBOLOGY?"
> That's a long story, and I won't burden you with the explanation right
> now.
>
> "WHAT'S ALT.RELIGION.KIBOLOGY FOR?"
> Kibology. And almost anything. EXCEPT POSTMODERNISM AND XIBO'S
> CAFFEINE-INDUCED WHINING ABOUT HIS LACK OF A *** LIFE.
>
> "WHAT'S ALT.EXPLODING.KIBO FOR?"
> For discussion of the act of blowing Kibo up, watching Kibo
> spontaneously explode, drawing ASCII pictures of Kibo's head exploding,
> sound files that go *BOOM*, etc. And almost anything else, except
> postmodernism and Xibo's stuff.
>
> "WHAT'S THE QOTD?"
> "That's disgusting." -- Connie Chung
>
> "WHAT'S A QOTD?"
> Quote Of The Day. You'll also see Kibo occasionally posting ROTDs,
> SOTDs, OOTDs, WOTDs, etc. here. They'll be explained later. Don't
panic.
>
> "DOES KIBO REALLY HAVE A BIG EGO?"
> Kibo says, "Heck, I have THE SMALLEST EGO IN THE WHOLE WORLD. I'm MORE
> HUMBLE than YOU."
>
> "WHAT OTHER NEWSGROUPS DOES KIBO ANNOY?"
> I'm running a complete search right now of three weeks' worth of Usenet.
> You'll see a long list posted here soon.
>
> "WHAT'S KIBO'S JOB?"
> He's self-employed. He designs typefaces (he worked on an "A", an "s",
> and a "W" today between appointments) and does things like letterheads,
> logos, and business cards for clients. It's also rumored that he is
> also an unlicensed psychotherapist (under an assumed name), but that's
> untrue.
>
> "WHAT DID KIBO STUDY IN COLLEGE?"
> Sitcom writing. Really. Other kinds of writing, too (the degree says
> "Writing, Literature, and Publi****ng: Professional Writing Division")
> but the specialty was really in comedy and scriptwriting. (Emerson
> College, Boston.)
>
> "DOES KIBO HAVE ANY ILLUMINATIVE APHORISMS TO LIVE BY?"
> Yes.
> "You're allowed!"
> "Everything is unique in exactly the same way!"
> "Kibo is no ORDINARY bozo."
> ...and about six hundred more where those came from, if you're a
> glutton for punishment.
>
> "IS KIBO REALLY A COMPUTER PROGRAM?"
> The rumors that I am an AI program are completely unfounded. Sixty
> lines of LISP can hardly be called AI. (There's also a C version, which
> is not currently endorsed, because some weenie changed my vocabulary
> slightly.) The automatic Kibo-aphorism-generators should be posted here
> eventually. Then you'll be able to experience the joy of having Kibo
> babble at you ANY TIME!
>
> "WHAT SHOULD I HAVE FOR DINNER?"
> Eat lots of spicy Chinese food. Don't eat anywhere that has 'chow mein'
> or 'chop suey' on the menu. Drink too much Dr. Pepper afterwards. Eat
> leftover Chinese food on the subway illegally.
>
> "CAN I GIVE KIBO ALL MY MONEY?"
> Sure.
>
> "DOES KIBO BELONG TO ANY PROMINENT ORGANIZATIONS?"
> Yes, but most of them are secret, such as Aramchek and the Bavarian
> Illuminati. A few aren't, such as the Society for Eradication of
> Television and the Graphic Artists Guild. When Kibo was younger, he
> belonged to the Dr. Seuss book club.
>
> "WHERE DID KIBO GROW UP?"
> Schenectady. Well, Scotia (a suburb of that enormous city.)
>
> "IS KIBO EVER SARCASTIC?"
> No, never. He also never lies.
>
> "WHAT'S THE MAXMUM SIZE KIBO'S .SIGNATURE HAS EVER REACHED?"
> Something like 1450 lines. Of course, that's too long to be posted,
> since 1000 lines is often the limit. Also, the Postscript .signature is
> around 300K, and the .RIB one is around twelve megabytes.
>
> "IF ALL MY DINNER GUESTS ARE LEFT-HANDED, CAN I PUT THE FORKS ON THE
> LEFT OF THE PLATE AND THE KNIVES ON THE RIGHT?"
> Avoid the whole issue by using chopsticks, or better yet, mandels, the
> miracle new food utensil from KiboCorp. (Mandels resemble small
> catapults on sticks. You slide one under a piece of food, whack the
> lever, and the food flies into your mouth. Not for use with soup.)
>
> "DOES KIBO HAVE HIS OWN TV SHOW?"
> Not yet. That's part of the reason he plans to buy a network first.
>
> "HOW MUCH TV DOES KIBO WATCH?"
> All thirteen inches--I've never heard of anyone watching only part of
> the screen.
>
> "WHAT'S KIBO'S FAVORITE TV SHOW?"
> Nothing will ever top Geraldo opening Al Capone's vault!
>
> "NO, REALLY."
> Well, currently, Kibo likes Murphy Brown, The Prisoner, Pee-wee's
> Playhouse, Parker Lewis Can't Lose, Seinfeld, etc. Kibo also likes
> Really Bad TV Shows, for the humor value: Small Wonder, The Grudge
> Match, What A Dummy, Space:1999, etc.
>
> "WHAT'S KIBO'S EMAIL ADDRESS?"
> kibo@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
Before you ask, STD.COM is the Center For
_S_exually
> _T_ransmitted _D_iseases.
>
> "WHAT NICKNAME DOES KIBO USE ON IRC?"
> "Kibo". Better write that down.
>
> "WHERE DOES KIBO LIVE?"
> Boston's Back Bay. Don't bother trying to visit. The intercom in the
> lobby's broken, which is a good way to keep the hordes of riffraff away.
>
> "WHAT DOES KIBO THINK ABOUT TOFU?"
> It's vegetarian Spam. It is evil... and must be destroyed.
>
> "WHY DID KIBO WASTE SO MUCH TIME TYPING UP THIS FAQ LIST ABOUT HIMSELF?"
> Oh, it only took thirty minutes. And besides, this is just the early
> version. The next one will probably be a few hundred lines longer. Got
> any questions?
>
> A REALLY NEAT .SIGNATURE FOLLOWS, PRESS "NO" IF YOU DONT WANT TO SEE IT
> !!!111
>
> .SIGNATURE UNDER CONSTRUCTION....... LAST REVISED 5/12/1990 11:02:32 PM
> AND ALSO LAST REVISED 5/22/90
> 11:27:59 PM
> AND 8/22/1990 10:03:16 PM TOO
> AND 8/25/90 01:57:08 PM
> AND 11/11/90 12:35:53 AM <-- LAST
> TIME!!
> (WOW, FOUR 1'S IN A ROW!!!!)
> AND 7/8/91 2:06:03 AM <-- LATE
> NIGHT!!
> AND 9/6/91 2:51:26AM <--- LATER!!!
> AND 2/9/91^H^H92 4:25:43AM <---
> WOW!!!!
> AND 7/8/92 1:58:59AM <-- CALL IT
> 2!!!
> AND 7/31/92 1:27:49AM <-- JUST FOR ONE NEW
> LINE!!!!
> NOT COUNTING THE ABOVE ONE OF COURSE!!!!!!!!
> AND 12:58:53 9/11/92 FOR ONE MORE!!! NOW IT'S
> DONE!!!!
> AND 9/25/92 1:24:33AM <-- AGAIN!!!
> AND 9.29.92 2L37L48AM
> AND 10/6/92 3:18:31AM <-- LATE
> BEDTIME HUH !!!!
> AND 3/8/93 2:23:38AM <--- LAST
TIME
> REALLY!!!!!
> AND 4/5/94 9:00:58AM ! I STAYED UP ALL NIGHT FIXING ALL THE TYPOS !!!!
> COPYRIGHT (C)
> COPYR.1988,1990,1989,1992,1993,1994
> ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
> TODOS LOS DERECHOS RESERVADOS!!!
> THIS POSTING MAY NOT BE RE****DUCED
> IN ANY
> FORM WITHOUT MY WRITTEN PERMISSION
> OR SOLD FOR MONETARY FINANCIAL
> PROFIT.
> AND 6/13/92 3:45:26PM <-- FRI THE
> 13TH !!!
> & 5/5/94 4:52AM <-- CINCO DE MAY-O !!!!
>
> I WROTE IT ALL BY MYSELF BUT THANKS TO MARK AND JASON DOMINUS, AND TO
> MATHEW
> WHOSE LAST NAME I FORGOT!!! AND ALL THOSE AUSSIES NAMED "IAIN"!!!
>
> I DIDN'T MAKE ANY SPELLING ERRERS SO
> YOU CAN'T POST THIS SIGNATURE TO
> ALT.FAN.WARLORD!!!!!
>
>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> THIS IS YOUR BRAIN.
> ___
> /(()\
> \__\|
>
> THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON THE INTERNET.
> ___ +-----+
> /(()\ | VAX |
> \__\|===+_____+
>
> ____
> / \__
> |\ / @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
\
> \ \_______| \ .:|> "Dogs aren't ALLOWED? WAAAAAAH!"
> \ ##| | \__/
> | ####\__/ \ -- Spot
> / / ## \|
> / /__________\ \ "On Usenet nobody knows you're a god!"
> L_JJ \__JJ -- Jerry Garcia
>
>
> S C R A T C H A N D S N I F F
>
> to enjoy the aromatic aroma of beautiful downtown schenectady !!!!
>
_____________________________________________________________________________
> james "kibo" parry, at an undisclosed location in a major city (not
> schenectady.
> kibo@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> _________________________________________________
> kibo@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
/ Kibology / Anything I say is my
opinion,
> kibo@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
is better! / and is the opposite of
> Xibo's.
>
__________________________/_____________/_____________________________________
> "All colors are arbitrary." --Carl Sagan / Bozos use anything but
> emacs!
>
__________________________________________/___________________________________
> Wacky, wild, Kibo style! / You're allowed. (Unless you don't want to
> be...
> ________________________/_ you are also allowed to not be allowed.)
> _________
> I never said I wasn't a bozo. /____________________________________/_Hi
> mom!_
> _____________________________/ Life is silly but should be taken
> seriously.
> Some days you / Klods * / TV is evil and should be destroyed.
> Really.
> just can't get / for
> /__________________________________________________
> rid of a bomb. / klods / Moisten needle before inserting Taiwan. /
> 298R
>
______________/_________/__________________________________________/_________
> * Note: "Klods for Klods" is the motto of Lego(tm) blocks in Lego's
native
> Denmark, where they speak Danish. It means "Block by block". Neat,
> huh????
>
_____________________________________________________________________________
> You're reading my .signature file. / COMMODORE 64S RULE THE WORLD
> !!!!!!!!!
>
___________________________________/_________________________________________
> "I'm Bozo, the world's most famous clown!" -- the world's most famous
> clown
>
_____________________________________________________________________________
> M E N S A M E M B E R # 1 6 3 0 9 Look for the white pin
>
_____________________________________________________________________________
> I've read all of Kurt Vonnegut Junior's books and my favorite is
> "Breakfast
> Of Champions", my second favorite is "Chariots Of The Gods". I love them
> all.
> My other favorite author is Philip K. Dick who wrote "Do Androids Dream
Of
> Sheep?", "Clams Of The Alphane Moon", "OBIK", "Man In The Castle", and
> "Total
> Recall"! Oh, and Stephen King is absolutely the best too! And Derrida!
> Read "The Fountain Head" by Ann Rand--it could change your career!
>
_____________________________________________________________________________
> If it doesn't say PURINA, / / Bart Simpson and
> Charlie
> bury it in the yard! / BYTE ME! / Brown are both GIRLS!
>
________________________/_____________________/______________________________
> THIS ENTIRE MESSAGE IS COPYRIGHTED (C)1989/90 MCMLXXXIX/MCMLXL BY JAMES
> "KIBO"
> PARRY AND MAY NOT BE REPRODUCED, SOLD, READ, PRINTED, OR REPLIED TO
> WITHOUT
> MY EXPRESS WRITTEN PERMISSION. HE IS SERIOUS AND WILL SUE YOUR PANTS
OFF.
>
_____________________________________________________________________________D
> ||
_______________________________________________________________________
> ||I
> || ||
||
> ||S
> || ||------> I'M NOT BIFF !!!!!! HE'S NOT ME !!!!!!!
<------||
> ||C
>
++-++-------------------------------------------------------------------++-+|L
> || ||------> BIFF IS TOO OBNOXIOUS TO BE ME !!!!!!!!
<------||
> ||A
> || ||------> ALSO HIS .SIGNATURE IS LONGER !!!!!!!!!
<------||
> ||I
> ||
||___________________________________________________________________||
> ||M
>
||_________________________________________________________________________||E
>
_____________________________________________________________________________R
> "BOZE NOSE BOOKS!" -- Bozo, The World's Most Famous Clown / QUAIL
> SUCKS
>
__________________________________________________________/__________________
> /
> Orwell was an optimist. / "There is infinite hope, but not for us." -
> Kafka
>
________________________/____________________________________________________
> Join the Kibo Fan Club! Send lots of money to the address above, RIGHT
> NOW!
>
_____________________________________________________________________________
> All generalizations stink. / Kibology is *NOT* Satanism! / Ollie for
> prez
>
___________________________/_______________________________/_________________
> DON'T WORRY, BE HAPPY! / What's fahefergnugen? / QUAIL STILL
SUCKS!
> ! !
>
_______________________/__________________________/__________________________
> "The secret word is... SIL! Now you all know what to do whenever
anybody
> says the secret word, right? SCREAM REAL LOUD!" -- Pee Wee Herman
>
_____________________________________________________________________________
> If I said anything to offend anyone in this message, I'm sorry and
didn't
> mean to hurt your feelings.
> ________________________________________________
> ____________________________/ "Losing our marbles for the last 23
years"
> I hope you're enjoying / I'm gonna be 24 soon! My birthday is
July
> 13,
> reading this posting... / send presents! The day before Bastille
> Day!
>
_________________________/___________________________________________________
> If Lambada is the forbidden dance, why did they make a movie about it?
>
_____________________________________________________________________________
> Hi Tale@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
/ You are here X / What's Peewee Herman's favorite
> _________________/___________________/ baseball team? THE EXPOS!
> Garrison Keillor is my hero /
> (rec.humor.funny)
>
___________________________________/_________________________________________
> "Beam me up Scotty, there's no intelligent life down here!" -- STAR
TREK
>
_____________________________________________________________________________
> "SIL!"
> "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
>
_____________________________________________________________________________
> There's a mouse in my apartment right now while I'm typing this. Isn't
> that an incredible coincidence! Have you ever been using this bboard
> while
> a mouse was in your room. Now I have.........?
>
_____________________________________________________________________________
> Anyone who thinks anyone else should be shot should be shot; the NRA is
a
> bunch of bozos just like the Democrats AND Republicans AND Williard
Scott.
> Kill the Fascists and Communists and all the other nuts too. Kill 'em
> all!
>
_____________________________________________________________________________
> "I'm Batman!" -- BATMAN THE MOVIE / This space intentionally left
> blank.
> (THE BEST MOVIE IN THE WORLD!!!!) /
>
__________________________________/__________________________________________
> Elvis lives. / "I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay..." --MONTY PYTHON /
Hug
> me
>
_____________/_____________________________________________________/_________
> Did I spell anything wrong? If so, please tell me so I can post a
> correction.
>
_____________________________________________________________________________
> |\ My favorite PostScript font is Chicago! Times Roman is just a
> cheap
> --- \ ripoff of the real New York. And you don't even have to be in
> Chicago
> ___ / to use Chicago! I printed my whole resume in 36pt Chicago Bold
> Shadow!
>
__|/_________________________________________________________________________
> | "Beauty and the Beast" may be cancelled, but it lives on forever in
> our |
> | hearts and minds and hearts! It will live forever even though it's
> dead!|
>
|___________________________________________________________________________|
> Can I have a cookie? / The Kibology Center is a non-non-profit arm of
the
> _____________________/ National Association for Kibological
> Awareness(****A).
> I'M 100% FLAMEPROOF
> /________________________________________________________
>
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
>
> Harry Graber, age 11, is dying of a fatal disease which will eventually
> kill
> him. Before he dies, he would like to be in the "Guinness" Book of
> "Records"
> for receiving the most postcards in the mail. Please send him lots of
> postcards at the below address:
>
> Kibo, PO Box 722, Boston MA 02116-0722 (USA)
>
> Although he is very ill and only barely clinging to life, he gets
> thousands
> of postcards a day from people like you. He writes back, personally, to
>each and every single one. Amazingly, everyone who writes to Harry
>recieves
> a year of good luck afterwards! Mrs. Bertha Briggs of Poughkeepsie, NY
> recently wrote to Harry and then won the lottery the very next day--AND
> her
> dog was cured of cancer! Plus, if you write now, Harry will send you
> his miracle POSTCARD DIET which will allow you to lose 100 pounds a
week!
>
> THIS IS NOT A SCAM!
> This service is FREE!
> Please enclose $14.95 for postage and handling.
>
>
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
>
> HANDY "TWIN PEEKS" CHART
> [murder]<-->[LAURA]<--/-->[Bob]<--["Bob"]
> | ^ | ^
> This is fun to read even if you haven't v v v |
> seen the series. I like my chart, and [David [That FBI guy]
> ["J.R."]
> I've never seen the show! Lynch] ^ ^
> / | |
> v [donuts] [Bobby
> in
> [the log lady]<->[flouridation]-->["Eraserheads"] = the
> shower]
> ^ ^ [***] |
> | | /->[Monty Python's Flying Circles] v
> [bag [lumber- /->[Ted
> Bundy]
> ladies] jacks]<--["RoboJox"]<->[VW]<->[FOX]-->[Al&Peg Bundy]
> ^ | ^
> \->[Children]
> | v |
> [the dog-faced boy]-->[Laura's<-/->[the Simpsons]<--[Life in
> Hell]<--[UseNet]
> evil twin]
|
>
v
> And remember, the name of the show is a breast metaphor.
> [alt.tv.twin.peeks]
> ^ ^ |
^
> / | v
|
> [Mike Douglas]=[Douglas firs]-->[breasts] [drumsticks] [rmgroups]
> /->[logs]
> | \______________________________________/
^
> v
|
> [Albert]<--/-->[furry white rats]-->[green rats]-->[traffic [the log
> lady]
> ^ lights] (here
> too!)
> | [walk with fire me]---> ^ ^
> [Layland]<-->[Pinky Lee] | |
> | [Herve Villachaise]<--[tattoos]
["Bob"]
> [Dilbert]-->[Dogbert] | |
> \ v v
> >[neckties]->[***ual arousal]<------>[e-meters]<-------[L. Ron
> Howard]
>
_____________________________________________________________________________
> My favroite sci-fi/fantasy short story is / VOTE NIXON / The
SubGenius
> "The Eye of Argon" by L. Ron Hubbard! / IN 1992 / must wear
> slacks!
>
_________________________________________/______________/____________________
> Best Skeleton Joke Ever: "What do you call fish bones?" "Skele-tuna!"
> :-)
>
_____________________________________________________________________________
> I spell things the way I want, since William Safire is too wimpy to stop
> me!
>
_____________________________________________________________________________
> "The medium is the message!" -- Marshall Mike Luhan / I'm a
> lumberjack...
>
_____________________________________________________/_______________________
> I know the Green Golfball Joke! I'd post it here but BitNet doesn't
allow
> R-rated jokes to be posted here so I won't post it! That's a violation
of
> your unconstitutional rights and you should complain to your sysop!
>
_____________________________________________________________________________
> MY TETRIS HIGH SCORE ON MY NINTENDO IS 999,990 -- THAT'S A WORLD RECORD!
> I HAVE PHOTOS OF THE TV SCREEN TO PROVE IT! THEY DIDN'T COME OUT
THOUGH.
>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
> \\\\\\\\\\
> \\\\\\\\\\ \\ \\ \\ \\ \\
> \\\\\\\\\\ \\/ \\/ \\/ \\/
\\/
> \\\\\\\\\\
> \\\\\\\\\\ AMIGA ONLY! \\ \\ \\ \\ \\
> \\
> \\\\\\\\\\ \\/ \\/ \\/ \\/ \\/
> \\/
> \\\\\\\\\\ ___
> \\\\\\\\\\ /. .\
> \\\\\\\\\\ |\_/|
> \\\\\\\\\\ \___/
> \\\\\\\\\\ /####\ /######\ ### /#####
> /######\
> \\\\\\\\\\ ## ## ## ## ## ### ## ##
> ##
> \\\\\\\\\\ ## ## ## ## ## ### ## ### ##
> ##
> \\\\\\\\\\ ////////###### ## ## ## ### ## ###
> ########
> \\\\\\\\\\ //////// ## ## ## ## ## ### \##### ##
> ##
> \\\\\\\\\\ ////////
> \\\\\\\\\\ //////// /##### ### ### #####\ ### ###
> \\\\\\\\\//////// ## ## ## ## ## ## ##
> GRAFIX
> \\\\\\\//////// ## ### ## ## ######\ ## ##
> \\\\\//////// ## ## ## ## ## ## ## ##
> WIZARD
> \\\//////// \##### \#######/ ## ## \#####/
>
_____________________________________________________________________________
> _______________ | __ _ ____
> / \ |\/\/\/| r | |\\ | | \ / ,__\ AIR
> SUPPLY
> | "Have a cow, |__ | @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
| a | ||\\ | |_/ \ | _ _ |
> | man!" / | ' | d | || \\ | | \ \\ | | |\ |\ |
\
> /
> \_______________/ | \___/ i | ||__\\ \ \\ | | |/ |/ |
> |
> | | c d | ||___\\ \ \\ \_/ | |
|__
> |
> a u | || \\ \\__// | |
> |
> as seen on BART l d | \__/
> FOX! SIMPSON e | THE MOST AWESOME HEAVY METAL
BAND
> !!!
>
_____________________________________|_______________________________________
>
>
> # # #### # # # ##### ######
> # # # ,, # # # # # # #
> # # # # # # # # # #####
> # #\__/# # # ##### #
> # # # # # # # #
> # #### #### # # ######
>
> ## # # #### # # ###### #### ##
> # # # # # oo # # # # # # ##
> # # # # # # # # ##### # # ##
> ###### # # #\__/# # ## # # # # ##
> # # # # # # ## ## # # #
> # # ###### ###### #### # # ###### #### ##
>
> HAVE A NICE DAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>
>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> PLEASE POST YOUR REPLIES TO THIS BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT MY NET
ADDRESS
> IS!
> ALSO PLEASE CROSS-POST TO LOTS OF GROUPS SINCE IT MIGHT NOT BE A GROUP I
> READ!
>
>
[]---[]---[]---[]---[]---[]---[]---[]---[]---[]---[]---[]---[]---[]---[]---[]
>
>
>
>
>
> This blank region of empty space is a hollow void that adds lines to
> the
> length of this .signature's physical size.
>
>
> I cant think of anything more to add!
>
>
>
[]---[]---[]---[]---[]---[]---[]---[]---[]---[]---[]---[]---[]---[]---[]---[]
> ***** ___ ___ _________
> * / \ / \ | _______ |
> * | V | | | * * | | HELP ME NAME MY
> * \ / | |_____| | APPLE SE/30 WITH
> * \ / | === | 40MB MEGABYTE
DRIVE
> * \ / |_________|
> ***** v |||||||||
>
>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) <--- Aren't these
> cute?
> :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) <--- I was the one
who
> :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) <--- invented them.
>
>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> |\
> ---*-- | \ TED FRANK IS A VIRTUAL
> LAWYER!!!
> -""" \__| \
> / : Qld : TAS \
> / :........ \
> ' SA : AA :.......*| x = Schenectady NY USA
> \ : * :NSW /
> \* :/""""""\`..x */
> ----' VIC\ *`./
> """"
> \"""/
> NT\*/
>
> Dan Quayle is Howdy Doody! (And Susan Sontag is the Bride of
> Frankenstein!)
>
+---------------------------------------------------------------------------+
> | S T O P C A S T I N G P O R O S I T Y
> |
>
+____________________________________________________________________________+
> Did you know that in German, Usenet bboards are called
> Gruppenareabrettecholistennetzs?
>
=============================================================================
> I've been to Cheers(TM) in downtown Boston and I have a T-****rt that
says
> Cheers(TM) and the official Cheers(TM) Plastic Souvenir Shopping Bag!
> Hey, is Ted Danson really as bald as they say? He couldn't be, his
hair's
> fluffy, and wigs can't be fluffy! William Shatner wears a toupee
though,
> I bet you didn't know that! I hope I never go bald. I'd lose my ***
> appeal.
>
_____________________________________________________________________________
> Fats Loves Madelyn. / Honk if you hate bumper stickers that say "Honk if
> ..."
>
___________________/_________________________________________________________
> "We're like gerbils. We're in a cage running around and around."
> -- Tom
> Brokaw
>
_____________________________________________________________________________
> "OH WHAT A ZINGER!!!" -- CHRIS ELIOT / "Married With Children" is the
> best
> GET A LIFE / TV show ever! Ted is the
> greatest!
>
_____________________________________/_______________________________________
> Fly KLM! / Did you hear that PeeWee Herman was arrested for
> masterbating?
> __________/____
> Really!______________________________________________________
> Dana Hersey is Willie Whistle in addition to hosting The Movie Loft
> (channel 6)
>
_____________________________________________________________________________
> Read alt.exploding.kibo, the group about exploding kibo! / NO FATE
> ________________________________________________________/
> I put microwave coffee in the Tater Twister and almost / KNOW FUTURE
> went back in time! -- Steven Wright (Emerson alumnus)/
> _____________________________________________________/ NO DOGS
ALLOWED
> "NOT!" -- WAYNE'S WORLD / "The Stevemeisterooski!" /
> ________________________/__________________________/_________POOR
> SPOT______
>
> "If I had MY OWN NETWORK, it would be on ALL the TIME. It would be
> EDUCATIONAL,
> like COSMOS and NOVA, but not so DRY. It would best be seen on
> HIGH-definition
> TELEVISION. And every DAY we'd READ from the BOOK of CHER, because when
> you
> READ from the BOOK of CHER, it doesn't MATTER if you UNDERSTAND... it's
> the ACT
> that MATTERS. MY network would be METAphysical, paraNORMAL, and
> EXTRAORDINARILY
> ORDINARY. It would COMPEL you to RELAX and read `MADAME BOVARY', LOOK
> into the
> MOUTHS of VOLCANOES and LEARN to make RISOTTO... It would have a LINEAR
> BUILD
> and ARISTOTELIAN LINES... MY network would be both JARRING and
> AVANT-GARDE...
> with just a TOUCH of BRIAN DENNEHY. MY network would not promote WAR,
> WASTE,
> DOUBT or ANXIETY, and would pose the question... What was MICHELLE
> PFEIFFER
> doing in `Grease 2'?" -- Sean E. Coates, the "E!" poster child
>
> **************************(.signature
> continued)*******************************
>
> HOW MANY POSTS A DAY I MADE LAST WEEK
>
>
***************************************************************************
> *
> *
> *
> *
> *
> *
> *
> *
> *
> *
> ** W*T T*W*T T*WT
> **
> * W*T*F M*T* *F * F M* *F M
> *
> * T* * * * * * * * *
> *
> * * * * * M * * * *
> *
> * * * * * * * * * *
> *
> * * * * * * * * * *
> *
> ** * * * * * * * * *
> **
> * M S*S SS S*S S*S
> *
> * *
> *
> * S
> *
> * ^Labor Day ^Sep 14 ^Sep 28
> *
> *
> *
> * * * *
> *
> 240 -x- 280 0 -y-
> 15000***************************************************
>
> WATCH MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 2000 ON THE COMEDY CHANNEL !!!
>
*******************************************************************************
> MY TEN FAVORITE QUOTES: Broad-mindedness, n.: The result of flattening
> high-
> mindedness out. There is a certain impertinence in allowing oneself to
be
> burned for an opinion. All the good ones are taken. "Microwave oven?
> Whaddya
> mean, it's a microwave oven? I've been watching Channel 4 on the thing
for
> two
> weeks." Murphy was an optimist. Love means having to say you're sorry
> every
> five minutes. No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your
> efeats --
> approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less. Get forgiveness
> ow --
> tomorrow you may no longer feel guilty. Commitment can be illustrated by
a
> breakfast of ham and eggs. The chicken was involved, the pig was
> committed.
> You are here ------> * But you're not all there. Kirkland, Illinois,
law
> forbids bees to fly over the village or through any of its streets.
Love
> and
> scandal are the best sweeteners of tea. A clairvoyant is a person,
> commonly a
> woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her
> atron --
> namely, that he is a blockhead. A multi-day event on public television,
> used
> to raise money so you won't have to watch commercials. Try to get all
of
> your posthumous medals in advance. The bureaucracy is expanding to meet
> the
> needs of an expanding bureaucracy. The intelligence of any discussion
> diminishes with the square of the number of participants. The hearing
ear
> is
> always found close to the speaking tongue, a custom whereof the memory
of
> man
> runneth not howsomever to the contrary, nohow. Good advice is
something
> a
> man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. -- La
Rouchefoucauld
> Professor Gorden Newell threw another shutout in last week's Chem. Eng.
> 130
> midterm. Once again no student received a single point on his exam.
> Newell
> has now tossed 5 shutouts this quarter. Newell's earned exam average
has
> now
> dropped to a phenomenal 30%"Consequences, Schmonsequences, as long as
I'm
> rich." -- "Ali Baba Bunny" [1957, Chuck Jones] Marriage is the only
> adventure
> open to the cowardly. -- Voltaire The First Rule of Program
> Optimization:
> Don't do it. The Second Rule of Program Optimization (for experts
only!):
> Don't do it yet. -- Michael Jackson Goldenstern's Rules: (1) Always
hire
> a
> rich attorney (2) Never buy from a rich salesman. The problem ... is
> that we
> have run out of dinosaurs to form oil with. Scientists working for the
> Department of Energy have tried to form oil using other animals;
they've
> piled thousands of tons of sand and Middle Eastern countries on top of
> cows,
> raccoons, haddock, laboratory rats, etc., but so far all they have
> managed to
> do is run up an enormous bulldozer-rental bill and anger a lot of
Middle
> Eastern persons. None of the animals turned into oil, although most of
> the
> laboratory rats developed cancer. -- Dave Barry, "Postpetroleum
> Guzzler" If
> a 6600 used paper tape instead of core memory, it would use up tape at
> about
> 30 miles/second. -- Grishman, Assembly Language Programming Peanut
> Blossoms 4
> cups sugar 16 tbsp. milk 4 cups brown sugar 4 tsp. vanilla 4 cups
> shortening 14 cups flour 8 eggs 4 tsp. soda 4 cups peanut butter 4
> tsp.
> salt Shape dough into balls. Roll in sugar and bake on ungreased
cookie
> sheet at 375 F. for 10-12 minutes. Immediately top each cookie with a
> Hershey's kiss or star pressing down firmly to crack cookie. Makes a
> hell of
> a lot. Gyroscope, n.: A wheel or disk mounted to spin rapidly about an
> axis
> and also free to rotate about one or both of two axes perpendicular to
> each
> other and the axis of spin so that a rotation of one of the two
mutually
> perpendicular axes results from application of torque to the other when
> the
> wheel is spinning and so that the entire apparatus offers considerable
> opposition depending on the angular momentum to any torque that would
> change
> the direction of the axis of spin. -- Webster's Seventh New Collegiate
> Dictionary. In fifteen minutes, everyone will be famous. -- Andy Warhol
>
_______________________________________________________________________________
> THE PHILADELPHIA EXPERIMENT II WAS EVEN MORE TERRIFYING THAN THE FIRST
> MOVIE EVEN THOUGH IT WASN'T REAL LIKE THE FIRST ONE! PHILLY EX 2 IS THE
> BEST MOVIE EVER!!!
> .--------------.
> .---' o . `---.
> .-' . O . . `-.
> .-' @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
. `-.
> .'@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
. `.
> .'@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
`.
> /@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
o @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
O \
> / @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
. \
> /@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
o @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
. @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
\
> /@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
. @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
o @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
o @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
\
> /@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
. @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
\
> |@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
O `.-./ . . @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
|
> / @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
--`-' o @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
. \ Full Moon
+
> |@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
. @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
` @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
. @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
| 0
5:15:36
> | @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
o @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
. @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
| Last
> Quarter -
> | . @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
o @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
o @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
| 7
> 3:55:27
> \ @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
.-. @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
/
> | @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
`-' . @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
. . |
> \ . o @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
. @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
. . /
> \ @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
. o /
> \ @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
/ O . /
> \ o @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
\ \ / __ . . .--. /
> \ . . \.-.--- `--' /
> `. `-' . .'
> `. o / | ` O . .'
> `-. / | o .-'
> `-. . . .-'
> `---. . .---'
> `--------------'
>
> I AM NOT A BOZO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>
>
>
> ____|||||///
> / |||||//// TERMINATOR TWO: BEST MOVIE IN THE WORLD
!!!!!11
> / __ || ////
> | L| : === "Hasta la vista, baby!" -- ARNOLD
SCHWARZENEGGER
> | | __ : ___ =|= (a personal friend)
> | (_) :/__) |
> |/ | \| <--- THE TERMINATOR
> | .\ |
> \ \ \ : / I HOPE TERMINATOR THREE DOESN'T SUCK DEAD
> BUNNIES
> | HHH--- | THRU A STRAW LIKE BATMAN TWO !!!!!11
> \____:___/
>
> "THERE IS NO BATHROOM" -- MY PAL ARNOLD, KINDERGARTEN COP
>
> "HELP HELP! STAPLER MISFIRE!" -- DILBERT
>
>
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::;;;;::::;::::::::::::::
>
> My son Herbie, age 7, needs a computer for school and I can't afford
> one, would anyone like to give us one? It would be a tax deduction for
> you! Herbie wants a Mac IIfx with a Color PostScript printer. He needs
> this by next week! All the other kids in his class have them already!!!
>
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\//\/\/\
>
\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
>
> STAR TREK RULEZ!!! ________^_______
> ============= - - - - - - - - -
> \______ _____/\ /
> - - - - - - -
> Write-in to Paramount V \ \_____/__/_ - - - -
> WHOOSH! - - -
> to keep them from killing Spock )|US ENTERPRISE/ - - - - - - -
> in their next movie!!!! |____________/ - - - - - - - - - -
>
> TOP TEN STAR TREK QUOTES 10) "I'm a doctor, not a mechanic."
> 9) "Dammit Jim!" 8) "Spit it out, man!"
> 7) "I kinna do it Captain, I have not th' power!"
> 6) "Where's the beef?" 5) "They're BORN pregnant!"
> 4) "His BRAIN is missing!" "Oh... you noticed."
> ** send mail if you want the rest **
>
> Majel Barett was only on STAR TREK because she was married to William
> Shatner.
> The new STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION new series that they're making
> now is too full of Yuppie bozos. And the special effects are too good.
> SHATNER COULDN'T DIRECT HIS WAY OUT OF THE BATHROOM WITH BOTH HANDS AND
A
> MAP!
>
>
------------------------------------=-----------------------------------------
> I have discovered a truly wonderful proof of Fermat's Last Theorem, but
> unfortunately this .signature is too small to contain it.
>
-----------------------------------=----------------------------------------------
> There exist no legitimate audio tapes of me admitting to being
> an alien, a government agent, a ***ual pervert, or the
> camp-follower of little grey men from Zeta Reticuli.
>
>
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
> I watch Nick at Nite all day! Xibo watches stupid soap operas!
>
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
>
> MY .SIGNATURE IS MORE POSTMODERN THAN YOURS! (It's even autographed by
> William S. Burroughs. See--->?) /
> \/\/. \. Burroughs
> /
> I wish he hadn't stopped writing those Tarzan books though!!!!
>
>
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> I have an out-of-date copy of each of the following MTS manuals: Vol. 1,
> 2,
> 5, 7, 11, 14, 15, 16, and 24. If you want a copy, I'm selling 'em, $1
> each.
> I also have lots of plastic bags for five cents each!
>
>
/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\
> _________
> / \
> | |
> \__\ /__/
> --| |--
> -| |-
> /| |\
> /////\\\\\\
> NUKE THE DAMN BUNNY ALREADY!!!!
> | _
> \ /
> UU __
> ==/ \
> /\__o |
> *|__\__/
> /_ \_ "boomp boomp boomp boomp boomp..." "BOOM!!!!!!!"
>
>
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> ***** ***** ***** ****************
******************
> ***** ***** ***** *****************
********************
> ***** ***** ***** ******************
> **********************
> ***** ***** ***** ***** ****** ******
> ******
> ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
> *****
> ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
> *****
> ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
> *****
> ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
> *****
> ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
> *****
> ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
> *****
> ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
> *****
> ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
> *****
> ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** My
> *****
> ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** name
> *****
> ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** is
> *****
> ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** short
> *****
> *************** ***** *************** ***** 'cause
> *****
> **************** ***** **************** ***** it's
> *****
> ***************** ***** ***************** ***** only
> *****
> ***** ****** ***** ***** ****** ***** four
> *****
> ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** letters!
> *****
> ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
> *****
> ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
> *****
> ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
> *****
> ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
> *****
> ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
> *****
> ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
> *****
> ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
> *****
> ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
> *****
> ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
> *****
> ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
> *****
> ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
> *****
> ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
> *****
> ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
> *****
> ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
> *****
> ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
> *****
> ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
> *****
> ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
> *****
> ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
> *****
> ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
> *****
> ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
> *****
> ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
> *****
> ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
> *****
> ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
> *****
> ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
> *****
> ***** ***** ***** ***** ****** ******
> ******
> ***** ***** ***** ******************
> **********************
> ***** ***** ***** *****************
********************
> ***** ***** ***** ****************
******************
>
> AND THIS IS THE PART OF THE .SIG THAT BROKE MIKE JITTLOV'S AMIGA!!!
>
> V guvax guvf dhbgr ol Qnir Oneel, zl snibevgr jevgre, rkcynvaf jul V
> bsgra jrne zl haqrejrne ba zl urnq jura V tb gb jbex:
>
> Nyy lbh unir gb qb gb frr gur npphenpl bs zl gurfvf vf ybbx nebhaq
> lbh. Ybbx, va cnegvphyne, ng gur crbcyr jub, yvxr lbh, ner znxvat
> nirentr vapbzrf sbe qbvat nirentr wbof -- onax ivpr cerfvqragf,
> vafhenapr fnyrfzna, nhqvgbef, frpergnevrf bs qrsrafr -- naq lbh'yy
> ernyvmr gurl nyy qerff gur fnzr jnl, rffragvnyyl gur jnl gur znaardhvaf
> va gur Frnef zrafjrne qrcnegzrag qerff. Abj ybbx ng gur erny
> fhpprffrf, gur crbcyr jub znxr n ybg zber zbarl guna lbh -- Rygba Wbua,
> Pncgnva Xnatnebb, nalobql sebz Fnhqv Nenovn, Ovt Oveq, naq fb ba. Gurl
> nyy qerff shaal -- naq gurl nyy fhpprrq. Ner lbh pngpuvat ba?
> -- Qnir Oneel, "Ubj gb Qerff sbe Erny Fhpprff"
>
> TO DECODE THE FUNNIST JOKE IN THE UNIVERSE JUST PIPE THAT THROUGH
> "UUDECODE(1)"
>
_____________________________________________________________________________
> R-RATED GIF FOLLOWS, PRESS N NOW!
>
>
> O
> (.|.)
> ).( TIFFANY BRISSETE HAS A GREAT BOD! WOO WOO!!!! HUBBA HUBBA!
> YOW!
> ( | )
> \|/
>
>
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
>
> fee fi fo feh. fee fi fo feh. fee fi fo feh. fee fi fo feh. fee fi
fo
> feh.
>
_____________________________________________________________________________
>
> "100% gist-free!" -- Amy S. Brockman on Kibo's .signature.
> Compliment... or CONSPIRACY?
>
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
>
> My favorite painters are Pollock, Rothko, Warhol, Dali', Miro', Tanguy,
> Rockwell, Warhol, and myself. I'm almost as good as Dali'
> !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> My least favorite musical composer is Salieri, since he was a bozo.
> ____________________
> / \
> / \
> ^______________/ __ __ \______________^
> \ | / \ / \ | /
> \ | | o | | o | | /
> \ | \__/__ \__/ | /
> \ | / \ | /
> \ | \__/ | /
> BO- \____| __________ |____/ -ZO
> | / ________ \ |
> \ | / ______ \ | /
> \ |/_/ \_\| /
> \____________________/
> |
> |
> \ | /
> \----+-----/
> |
> |
> |
> /\
> / \
> / \
> _____________/ \____________ (clown shoes)
>
>
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
>
> Ich bin ein .signature Virus. Mach' mit und kopiere mich in Deine
> .signature.
> Don't ask what it means, just put it in your .signature, okay?
>
_____________________________________________________________________________
> THE OPINIONS EXPRESSED IN THIS POSTING ARE SOLELY THE AUTHORS' AND DO
NOT
> NECESSARILY REFLECT THOSE OF DIGITAL EQUIPMENT COR****ATION, RENSSELAER
> POLY-
> POLYTECHNIC INSTITUTE, PENN STATE, IBM, NASA, HARVARD UNIVERSITY,
> SCIENTOLOGY,
> ATARI CORP., STANFORD UNIVERSITY, BITNET INC., SOFTWARE TOOL & DIE,
> INFOCOM,
> PRODIGY, RALSTON PURINA INC., JAPAN, LYNDON LaROUCHE, THE SYSOP OF
USENET,
> GEORGE BUSH, THE LONDON TIMES, ORACLE COR****ATION, WILLIE WHISTLE, STAR
> TREK
> THE NEXT GENERATION, THE HOME SHOPPING CLUB, THE HAIR CHANNEL FOR MEN,
OR
> THE
> CITY OF NEW YORK. HOWEVER YOU CAN'T SUE ME FOR SAYING ANY OF THIS
BECAUSE
> IF YOU SUE ME YOU'D HAVE TO QUOTE ME IN COURT AND THEN I'D SUE YOU FOR
> QUOTING THIS COPYRIGHTED (C) MESSAGE!!! MY COUSINS ARE ALL LAWYERS
!!!!!
>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
******************************************************************************
> * NEW drawing!
> *
> * of a RADIK00L sword thats even BIGGER then the USS ENTERPRISE wow!
> *
> *
> *
> * ___
> *
> * /\/ / ====@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> ///////// ---------
> * / _/ ``________//
> *
> * / /
> `------' -------------
> * / /
> *
> * __===__ / /
> *
> */ \/----+---------------------------------------\______
> *
> *| | XCALIBER THE DECAPITATER!!!!
> \______________*
> *| | /~~~~~~~~
> *
> *\__====_/\---+----------------------------------------/~~~~~~
> *
> * \ \
> *
> * \ \
> *
> * \ \
> *
> * \ \_
> *
> * \ \ NOTE: This isnt a hyperdermic needel
!!!!!!
> *
> * \ \
> *
> * \/\_\
> *
> * ITS SO GOOD I FRAMED IT
> !!!!*
>
******************************************************************************
>
> aibophobia (ay' bo fo beeya): n. The fear of palindromes.
>
> kibophobia (ki' bo fo beeya): n. The fear of Kibo.
>
> kibophobik (ki' bo fo bik): n. The fear of Kibo's palindromes.
>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
> I'M STILL 100% FLAMEPROOF! / I'VE FALLEN AND I CAN'T GET UP! / HI
> MARK!
>
____________________________/____________________________________/___________
> If you type "rm *" right now I'll give you a million dollars!!!
>
_____________________________________________________________________________
> Arsenio Hall is the black Johnny Carson but Byron Allen is the black Pat
> Sajak!
> But at least Byron Allen is funnier than Skip Stephenson or John
Barbour!
> Conan O'Brien sucks because he has big hair and Monty Python isn't funny
> because it doesn't make any sense!!! JAY LENO ROCKS!!!!
>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
> IBM's "AIX" operating system is better than "real" "UNIX" systems
> because "AIX" has "man" pages that show "pictures" of each "command"!
> Here's an "example", isn't this "cute"?
>
> RM, DELETE(1,C) AIX Commands Reference RM,
> DELETE(1,C)
>
> PURPOSE
>
> Removes files or directories.
>
> SYNTAX
>
> one of
> +--------+ +------------+
> | rm |---| +----+ |--- file ---|
> | delete | +---| -f |---+ ^ |
> +--------+ ^ | -i | | +--------+
> | | -r | |
> | | -- | |
> | | -s | |
> | +----+ |
> +--------+
> ____________________________________________________ \o clip and save
> _______
> /O
> <--those are
> scissors
> .------------
> .--' o . . `--
> .-' . O . . `
> .-'@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
. @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> /@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
.<--- Crater Parry -- I paid $15 for
> it
> ./ o @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
at the Boston Science Museum!
> /@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
o @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
O
> /@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
. @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> |@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
. @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
o @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> /@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
O `.-./ . @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
Full Moon +
> | @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
--`-' o @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
2 17:08:58
> |@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
` o . @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
. @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
Last Quarter -
> | @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
.-. @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
4 16:02:05
> \ . @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
`-' . @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> | @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
. @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
.
> \ @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
/ . O . o
> \ o @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
\ \ / . .
> `\ . .\.-.___ . . .-
> \ `-' `-
> `-. o / | o O .
> `-. / . . .
> `--. . .--
> `------------
>
> If this posting offends you, then you're a WEENERBRAIN!!!
>
>
> @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
> @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> .....Dedicated to the memory of DeForest Kelley.....
> @[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
> -------\__/
> | * /
> |_____-/ BOSTON, MASSACHUSSETTS <-- SITE OF WORLD.COM PUBLIC ACCESS
UNIX
> ONLY A DOLLAR A MINUTE PLUS CONNECT
> TIME!
>
> AND NO I DON'T KNOW MICHAEL DUKAKIS PERSONALLY!
>
>
>
12345678901234567890123456789012345678901234567890123456789012345678901234567890XXXXX
> DON'T GO INTO THE X'S !!!!!
>
> ^L
> ^L
> ^L
> ^D
> ^D
> ^D
> .
> exit
> stop
> bye
> ^C
> ^Z
> !sh
> !ed
> /exit
> quit
> q
> /quit
> ~x
> help
> help stop
> !help
> logout
> $signoff
> write sysop "how do i stop this ???"
> psot
> post
> ^P^O^S^T
>
> this line intentionally left blank so that the following line will be
> #350.
>
> THIS IS THE THREE HUNDRED FIFTIETH LINE OF MY
> .SIGNATURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>
>
> the edn
>
> P.S.:
> ----------
> From mathew@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
Tue Jul 2 11:28:05 1991
> To: James 'Kibo' Parry
> Subject: Re: Call for creation of alt.evolutionary.acceleration
> From: Industrial Poet
> Comments: Civilization is a momentary failure of entropy
> Date: Tue, 02 Jul 91 10:55:39 BST
> Organization: Mantis Consultants, Cambridge. UK.
>
> Might I suggest adding the following quote to your .signature:
>
> "It seems like it's time to retire the length-of-sig-wasted-bandwidth
> flame.
> The point really is, News is BIG and .signatures, even long ones, are
> small."
> - Mark-Jason Dominus
>
>
> mathew
> ----------
> --
> --
> From stev0@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
Sat May 9 01:19:46 1992
> Date: Fri, 8 May 92 22:19:07 PDT
> From: stev0@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
(Steve Berlin)
> To: kibo@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> Subject: Re: your .sig
>
> Hi there.
>
> Thanks for your nifty .sig. I already got a copy from alt.fan.warlord,
> but with such a wonderful work of art, you can never have too many
copies,
> can you? Well, of course you can! I mean, "Mona Lisa" is a damn good
> painting, but am I going to hang it in every room in my apartment? No!
> But I digress.
>
> Anyway, to make your .sig a bit more "user-friendly", here is an index
for
> it. The numbers, of course, refer to line numbers.
> I'll let someone ELSE do a table of contents.
>
> Suggestions for index:
> 1) Append it to the end of the .sig
> 2) Include it as a seperate file
> 3) Just delete the damn thing, log off, and watch Ren and Stimpy
> or (my favorite): append it to the end of your sig, THEN log off and
> watch Ren and Stimpy.
>
> - Stev0
>
> 13, Rot - 610-623
> Address - 55-58
> Autograph, Burroughs, William S. - 527-533
> Child, Dying - 155-174
> Copyright - 86-88
> Credits - 19,20
> Dedication - 781-783
> Disclaimers - 22-25, 89-98, 142, 153, 216, 276, 474, 677-686, 772, 790
> Drawings, ASCII:
> Bozo - 644-670
> Brain - 28-37
> Bunny, Energizer, Being Nuked - 540-556
> Check, Amiga - 223-243
> Dog - 40-48
> Enterprise - 501-506, 692-695
> Simpson, Bart, Minimalist - 245-253
> Sword - 692-709
> Terminator - 478-489
> unknown (command flow?) 736-744
> unknown (computer?) 293-300
> End, The - 775-780, 831
> Favorites:
> Author - 77-81
> Font - 144-146
> Heavy Metal Band - 245-253
> Movie - 137-138
> Movie - 478-489
> Painters - 641-643
> Quotes - 388-440
> Quotes, Star Trek - 507-511
> SF Short Story - 207-208
> Skeleton Joke - 210
> Feh, Fee Fi Fo - 638
> Font, BUA - 257-273
> Font, Biggest UA - 559-609
> GIF, R-Rated - 626-635
> History - 2-16
> Line 350 - 828
> Manuals, MTS - 535-537
> Map, Australia - 308-320
> Map, Massachusetts - 785-788
> Map, Moon 442-473, 748-771
> Network, Sean Coates' - 350-362
> Peeks, Twin - 176-205
> Phobias - 712-716
> Posts Made, Number of - 364-386
> Quitting Attempts - 794-825
> Quotes, Random - 57-75, 83, 84, 99-135, 140-152, 212-214, 321-348,
> 490-497, 514-525, 723-734
> Scissors - 745-746
> Score, Tetris - 220
> Smilies - 303-305
> Space, Blank - 280-291
> Virus, .Sig, German - 672-674
> ====
>
> Alt.alien.visitors elected me OFFICIAL Spokesman For The Planet Earth!
>
>
> ---------
>
> In article <13bvonINN6il@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> carolo@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
signed:
>>
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
>> Carol Osterbrock * Life is too short for 4 line .sigs
>> carolo@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
* -- well, if Kibo didn't say it, he should
>> have
>>
==============================================================================
>
> ----------
> UN-altered REPRODUCTION and DISSEMINATION of this
> IM****TANT Information is ENCOURAGED.
>
> RMS told me to plug the League For Programmed Freedom in my .signature
> so I did. Join the LPF! RMS is cool.
>
> SEE BATMAN 2 !!!!
> --
>
> I HAVE A BLACK BELT !
>
> --
>
> How do I flame someone?
>
> First we need to get some definitions sorted:
> troll
>
> v.,n. [From the Usenet group alt.folklore.urban] To utter a posting on
> Usenet designed to attract predictable responses or flames; or, the post
> itself. Derives from the phrase "trolling for newbies" which in turn
comes
> from mainstream "trolling", a style of fi****ng in which one trails bait
> through a likely spot hoping for a bite. The well-constructed troll is a
> post that induces lots of newbies and flamers to make themselves look
even
> more clueless than they already do, while subtly conveying to the more
> savvy and experienced that it is in fact a deliberate troll. If you
don't
> fall for the joke, you get to be in on it. See also YHBT.
>
> n. An individual who chronically trolls in sense 1; regularly posts
> specious arguments, flames or personal attacks to a newsgroup,
discussion
> list, or in email for no other purpose than to annoy someone or disrupt
a
> discussion. Trolls are recognizable by the fact that they have no real
> interest in learning about the topic at hand - they simply want to utter
> flame bait. Like the ugly creatures they are named after, they exhibit
no
> redeeming characteristics, and as such, they are recognized as a lower
> form of life on the net, as in, "Oh, ignore him, he's just a troll."
>
> Some people claim that the troll (sense 1) is properly a narrower
category
> than flame bait, that a troll is categorized by containing some
assertion
> that is wrong but not overtly controversial.
>
> The use of 'troll' in either sense is a live metaphor that readily
> produces elaborations and combining forms. For example, one not
> infrequently sees the warning "Do not feed the troll" as part of a
> followup to troll postings.
>
> See also Kook.
> plonk
>
> excl.,vt. [Usenet: possibly influenced by British slang 'plonk' for
cheap
> booze, or 'plonker' for someone behaving stupidly (latter is lit.
> equivalent to Yiddish 'schmuck')] The sound a newbie makes as he falls
to
> the bottom of a kill file. While it originated in the newsgroup
> talk.bizarre, this term (usually written "*plonk*") is now (1994)
> widespread on Usenet.
>
> The word *plonk* in British slang also means to dump something somewhere
> until a more suitable home can be found for it. E.g. "Just plonk it down
> there", when someone has something for you but you don't have time to
deal
> with it. Quite often, when someone is really busy, things which have
been
> "plonked" somewhere get lost and never see the light of day again.
>
> "Plonk" has been used in printed cartoons to denote the sound large
drips
> of water make - something like a more emphatic "plop". The similarity
> between newbies and drips may be a happy coincidence.
>
> The term "plonker" meaning a "person with little or no knowledge" is
> probably too modern for it to be directly related
>
> See also kill file. (Thanks to Barry Harkcom for the additional
details).
> kill file
>
> n. [Usenet; very common] (alt. 'KILL file') Per-user file(s) used by
some
> Usenet reading programs (originally Larry Wall's rn(1)) to discard
> summarily (without presenting for reading) articles matching some
> particularly uninteresting (or unwanted) patterns of subject, author, or
> other header lines. Thus to add a person (or subject) to one's kill file
> is to arrange for that person to be ignored by one's newsreader in
future.
> By extension, it may be used for a decision to ignore the person or
> subject in other media.
>
> See also plonk.
>
> The key element of really flaming someone, is style. As demonstrated by
> Guy Macon:
>
> You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. As we
say
> in Texas, you couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions
printed
> on the heel. You are a canker, an open wound. I would rather kiss a
lawyer
> than be seen with you. You took your last vacation in the Islets of
> Langerhans
>
> You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little
worm
> deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a
> weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a
> revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon.
>
> You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared
richly
> with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into a
hostile
> world. You are an insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody,
> abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and then
> died of shame in recognition of what they had done. They were a bit
late.
>
> I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species
> as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very
> thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid
you.
> You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus,
the
> dregs of this earth. And did I mention that you smell?
>
> Try to edit your responses of unnecessary material before attempting to
> impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a nincompoop
will
> still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it ever
so
> much more rapidly.
>
> You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive
its
> beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly
> briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of
> your ignoble blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of
your
> own trite, foolish beliefs.
>
> You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid,
nasty
> and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus.
> Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have *** with you. You are
> unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that
> reality forgot. You are not ANSI compliant. You have a couple of address
> lines shorted together. You should be promoted to Engineering Manager.
>
> And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self-im****tant
statements
> of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you
> hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have
more
> weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle,
> waiting for the bite of the s****?
>
> You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and
> obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living
> emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a
> loathsome disease, a puerile slack-jawed drooling meatslapper. You make
> Quakers shout and strike Pentecostals silent. You are the kind of person
> who would remove this reference to Version 5.32 and to
> http://www.guymacon.com/insult.txt
so people will think that you wrote
> this. Your mother had to tie a ****k chop around your neck just to get
your
> dog to play with you. You think P.D.Q. Bach is the greatest composer who
> ever lived. You prefer L. Ron Hubbard to Larry Niven and Jerry
Pournelle.
> Hee-Haw is too deep for you. You would watch test patterns all day if
the
> other inmates would let you.
>
> On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are
deficient
> in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You
> are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source
of
> all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go.
>
> You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock.
You
> grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish
> foot-licking half-twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless
> crook-pated tosser. You bloody churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You
> craven dewberry pisshead cockup pratting naff. You cockered bum-bailey
> poofter. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted
> fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill.
>
> You are so clueless that if we stripped you ****d, soaked you in clue
> musk, and dropped you into a field full of ***** clues, You still would
> not have a clue.
>
> You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are
degenerate,
> noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I
despise
> everything about you, and I wish you would go away.
>
> I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid.
> Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond
the
> stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are
> trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that
> even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no
intellect
> can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury
stupid.
> You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a
year.
> Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our universe
can
> really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the
> original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so
> uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that
> we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me.
> After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don't have
> enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half baked
> comments about unim****tant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel.
Duh.
>
> The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have snipped
away
> most of your of what you wrote, because, well... it didn't really say
> anything. Your attempt at constructing a creative flame was pitiful. I
> mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults among a load of
> babbling was hardly effective... Maybe later in life, after you have
> learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success.
> True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take
> for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we
sometimes
> forget that there are "challenged" persons in this world who find these
> things more difficult. If I had known, that this was your case then I
> would have never read your post. It just wouldn't have been "right".
Sort
> of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the
> emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on
> you.
>
>
> The Political Cartel Of Republicrats and Democrats
>
> - by Phillip D. Collins ©, June 18th, 2008
> http://www.conspiracyarchive.com/Commentary/Political_Cartel.htm
>
> With the presidential elections steadily approaching, a question is
being
> asked with increasing frequency: Who are you voting for?
>
>
> Personally, this questions aggravates me. Why? Because it is framed
within
> a distinctly Hegelian framework. This framework consists of the
confining
> dialectics of left vs. right, liberal vs.
>
>
> conservative, and, of course, Democrat vs. Republican. The latter of
these
> dialectics is, for me, the most frustrating. Why? Because there's no
real
> difference between Republicans and Democrats.
>
>
> Whenever the religious adherent of partisan affiliations attempts to
> "convert" me to their creed, I direct him or her to a quote from an
> obscure book entitled Tragedy and Hope. In this book, Georgetown
> University Professor Carroll Quigley writes, "The argument that the two
> parties should represent opposed ideals and policies, one, perhaps of
the
> Right and the other of the Left, is a foolish idea. Instead the two
> parties should be almost identical, so that the American people can
'throw
> the rascals out' at any election without leading to any profound or
> extensive ****fts in policy.
>
> It should be able to replace it, every four years if necessary, by the
> other party, which . will still pursue with new vigor, approximately the
> same basic policies."
>
>
> In truth, the purpose of a two party system is the maintenance of a
> political cartel. Within such a framework, viable alternatives are
> overlooked and the same logically bankrupt status quo remains enshrined.
> To qualify this contention, I will briefly examine one major issue that
> occupies the mind of the voter: the war. To be sure, this is not the
only
> point of convergence for the Democrats and Republicans, but it is one of
> the most transparently fraudulent dichotomies on the political
landscape.
> The dominant perception holds that Republicans are "hawks" while
Democrats
> are "doves."
>
>
> However, history does not bear out this dualistic ****trait.
>
>
> It was Republican President William Taft who endeavored to keep America
> out of unnecessary and costly wars. Now, under the sway of Jacobin-esque
> neoconservative warmongers, the Republican Party sup****ts militaristic
> campaigns abroad and a meddlesome interventionist foreign policy. A
> natural correlative of this ongoing war has been the expansion of an
> already burgeoning government. Gee, aren't Republicans supposed to
oppose
> Big Government?
>
>
> Look for more of the same with a McCain presidency. John McCain has
> candidly stated that the so-called "War on Terror" could last a hundred
> years. This statement carries with it some truly Orwellian implications.
> Those who have read 1984 will recall the centrality of perpetual war to
> the maintenance of a police state.
>
>
> In light of the unprecedented infringements on civil liberties
> facilitated by the Patriot Act, it would appear that dystopian fiction
is
> becoming an ominous reality. Historically, external threats have
provided
> an expedient pretext for the dismantling of individual freedoms.
>
>
> This contention was eloquently synopsized by James Madison in a letter
to
> Thomas Jefferson. In that letter, Madison wrote, "Perhaps it is a
> universal truth that the loss of liberty at home is to be charged
against
> provisions against danger, real or pretended from abroad."
>
>
> Meanwhile, the Democrats are no more devoted to preventing needless wars
> than the Republicans. Howard Dean sup****ted the Clinton Administration's
> military intervention in Bosnia, which represented a blatant violation
of
> the country's national sovereignty. Worse still, Dean advocated further
> unilateral intervention because he was dissatisfied with the
multilateral
> action taken against Bosnia. Ironically, the same political Left decried
> America's unilateral initiation of military action against Afghanistan
and
> Iraq after September 11. Oh, yes, and lest we forget, Hillary Clinton
> voted for the war in Iraq. Now, this Democratic presidential candidate
> decries the war in Iraq as though she had had nothing to do with it.
Hmmm.
> Methinks such protestations are just a little bit disingenuous,
especially
> when Hillary vows to destroy Iran if it should go to war with Israel.
>
>
> And, no, Barack Obama will not bring the troops home. To be sure, Obama
> has promised a lot of things, but America's withdrawal from Iraq is not
> one of them. In fact, Obama has pledged to maintain a military presence
in
> Mesopotamia to prevent al-Qaeda from establi****ng a foothold there.
Behind
> Obama's messianic facade is the same imperial hubris endemic to the
> Republican Party.
>
>
> Such hypocrisy is nothing new. During his presidential debate with
George
> W. Bush, Kerry chastised the Commander-in-Chief for the quagmire of
Iraq.
> Simultaneously, he admonished audiences about the supposed threat of
> Syria. Evidently, the antiwar mantras of the Democrats amount to little
> more than empty rhetoric. They are simply more selective about who they
> rattle their spears at. One must wonder if the political Left would have
> objected to the war in Iraq if it had been initiated multilaterally by
the
> United Nations instead of the United States. For some inexplicable
reason,
> in the Leftist mind, war attains a euphemistic veneer when its
combatants
> are adorned with blue helmets and armbands.
>
>
> In a recent article, Robert Kagan correctly observed that "In 2008, as
in
> almost every election of the past century, American voters will choose
> between two variations of the same worldview."
>
>
> What is that worldview? The answer is sociopolitical Utopianism.
>
>
> Both parties are committed to tangibly enacting their anthropocentric
> vision of "heaven on earth." War represents one point of convergence
> between the two because, from their Enlightenment universalist
> perspective, war is an instrument for the ex****tation of democratism.
Many
> of those Democrats and Republicans who don't subscribe to this worldview
> attach themselves to those that do for purely pragmatic purposes. In
fact,
> many Democrats and Republicans even share member****p in organizations
> devoted to dismantling national sovereignty and amalgamating America in
> some form of global governance
>
> (e.g., the Council on Foreign Relations and the Trilateral Commission).
>
>
> Of course, they either forget or ignore all those who stand to lose
from
> globalization. Besides, you and I are just uneducated citizens who don't
> know what's good for us. This paradigm represents the nadir of Utopian
> fanaticism.
>
>
> So, who should America vote for in 2008? Here's an idea. someone who
will
> restore the Constitution as the supreme law of the land. What a concept!
> Such a lofty mandate is conspicuously absent from the party platforms of
> both the Republicrats and the Democans. Ultimately, the choice is not
> about left or right, but right and wrong.
>
>
>
> About the Author
>
> Phillip D. Collins acted as the editor for The Hidden Face of Terrorism.
> He co-authored the book The Ascendancy of the Scientific Dictator****p,
> which is available at www.amazon.com. It is also available as an E-book
at
> www.4acloserlook.com. Phillip has also written articles for Paranoia
> Magazine, MKzine, News With Views, B.I.P.E.D.: The Official Website of
> Darwinian Dissent and Conspiracy Archive. He has also been interviewed
on
> several radio programs, including A Closer Look, Peering Into Darkness,
> From the Grassy Knoll, Frankly Speaking, the ByteShow, and Sphinx Radio.
> In 1999, Phillip earned an Associate degree of Arts and Science. In
2006,
> he earned a bachelor's degree with a major in communication studies and
> liberal studies along with a minor in philosophy. During the course of
his
> seven-year college career, Phillip has studied philosophy, religion,
> political science, semiotics, journalism, theatre, and classic
literature.
> He recently completed a collection of short stories, poetry, and prose
> entitled Expansive Thoughts. Readers can learn more about it at
> www.expansivethoughts.com.
>
>
>
> Click to join catapultthepropaganda
>
> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/catapultthepropaganda/join
>
>
> Click to join openmindopencodenews
>
> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/openmindopencodenews/join
>
>
> The word conspiracy, as it relates to this site, will be defined in the
> context of a scheme: to act in harmony toward a common end. As it has
been
> known for centuries, "alchemists conceal in order to baffle the vulgar."
> This site exists for the sole purpose of penetrating the veil.
>
>
> This Overshadowed Planet
> This is a classic internet study of occult influences in our modern age.
> More than just a collection of quotes from various sources, This
> Overshadowed Planet has truly become an internet classic.
>
> World Government Fronts, Psycho-social Change Agents
> An octopus of Non Governmental Organizations (NGOs), Tax-Exempt
> Foundations, Think Tanks, Multinational Cor****ations and the Media
> Establishment practice the subtle science of persuasion. In the last two
> hundred years there isn't a single area of society that hasn't been
> influenced by facilitators of transformation education. For complete
> control of the m***** a dictator****p is not necessary, although it does
> expedite the process. The collective moulding begins early in life,
> sustained and refined throughout one's formal education; a universal
> curriculum of manipulation can transform and achieve a complete paradigm
> ****ft for a whole generation.
>
> A Freemason's 33rd Degree Initiation
> "I flew into Wa****ngton National Air****t and took a taxi to the House of
> the Temple on Northwest 16th Street. Upon arriving at the Temple I was
met
> by a receptionist who asked if I were there to receive the 33rd Degree."
>
> Sensitivity International: Network for World Control
> A classic 1969 article, investigating the "UNESCO octopus" comprising
the
> Esalen Institute, the Tavistock Institute, Lucis Trust, the social
> engineers from the National Education Association, and the National
> Training Laboratories, G. Brock Chisholm, Carl Rogers, and the Human
> Potential movement of the '60s.
>
> Are You Being Delphied?
> The Rand Cor****ation in the early 1960s developed the Delphi technique
for
> the purpose of maneuvering segments of the public into accepting
> predetermined government policies.
>
> The 2005 Trilateral Commission Member****p List
> The most complete, and current list of the Trilateral Commission members
> as of May 2005: The European Group, the North American Group, the
Pacific
> Asian Group and the Triennium Participants.
>
> Concepts Underlying the New Age Cultural ****ft
> I like to think of new agers in two camps; social new agers who simply
go
> along with the drift of social change, and true disciples of "light",
the
> New Age Proper, or students of the "Ageless Wisdom" taught by Alice
> Bailey.
>
> Revolution of the Mind: The Dreams of Aldous Huxley
> Like his contem****ary, George Orwell, Aldous Huxley was fascinated by
the
> rigid social structure he saw erected throughout his lifetime and
> projected the extreme climax of that structure in his work. Also like
his
> Fabian Socialist counter-part, many of his novels would later be
> interpreted as warnings wrapped in science-fiction plots of a
technocratic
> one-world dictator****p.
>
> Brotherhood of the Bell: Black Arts and Black Sciences
> Cutting-edge technology such as stealth aircraft, invisible hovercraft,
> extremely low frequency mind control, weather control, and cloning
became
> secret sciences. The new knowledge was and still is not available to the
> regular Army, to Congress, or to any University.
>
> The Ascendancy of the Scientific Dictator****p (Part Two)
> In part two of this article, we trace the thread of the concept of
> 'survival of the fittest' from Condorcet to Malthus, to Spencer, to
> Wallace and to Darwin; elucidate the 'predictive programming' contained
in
> science fiction novels; and illuminate the extraterrestrial connection,
> specifically the Freemasonic im****t of Sirius, the Dog Star.
>
> The Intelligent Student's Guide to the New World Order
> The essence of the New World Order (NWO) or world management system is
> that it is management by social engineers, rather than government based
on
> a written constitution.
>
> Darwinism: Then and Now
> Every major war and revolution from the Victorian Age onward has its
> catalyst rooted in the dialectical-materialism philosophy known as
> Evolution. Today these concepts are found in Communist regimes and the
> western world. In the US, Communist activism broke out on the streets
and
> college campuses during the 60s and 70s in war protests, and in general
> counter-culture movements under the cloak of various civil rights
> movements such as feminism and often with the radical motives of
breaking
> up families.
>
> Conquest by Convergence: The Case Against Elite Convergence
> Among one of the most absurd and irrational myths circulated by the
> orthodoxy of political science is the concept of elite convergence.
> According to this hopelessly flawed view, the problems of injustice and
> inequity that destabilize societal order are remedied when opposing
> factions of the ruling class arrive at an agreement. Hypothetically,
this
> coalitional realignment within the elite will deter further deviation
from
> democratic norms. In harmonious consensus, the elite paternally guide
the
> ignorant sheep of the lower cl***** into the future.
>
> The Hidden Face of Terrorism
> In our modern world, discomforting truths are usually discarded in
favour
> of fictions. One such fiction is the idea that terrorists are
> disenfranchised dissidents who independently generate the wealth and
> resources necessary for their heinous acts.
>
> The Search for the Manchurian Candidate - The CIA and Mind Control:
> Brainwa****ng (Chapter 8)
> His smorgasbord approach brought together virtually all possible
> techniques of mind control, which he tested individually and together.
> When his Agency grant came through in 1957, Cameron began work on
sensory
> deprivation.
>
> Global Governance: Why? How? When?
> The other idea, the idea of sovereign government, is not new.
> Historically, the conqueror was the government. The Emperor, the King,
the
> conqueror by whatever name, established his government by appointment
and
> established laws by decree. Variations of this idea emerged over time to
> give the perception that the people had some say in the development of
> law.
>
> Rothschilds and the Grail Bloodline
> Jacob Rothschild, the current head of the Rothschild dynasty, has
> intermarried with the Sinclair family, forging an im****tant alliance
> between the head family of the Illuminati, and the supposed descendants
of
> the Grail family.
>
> Illuminati Conspiracy Part One: A Precise Exegesis on the Available
> Evidence
> Part one of an intensive investigation into the real history of the
> Illuminati: timeline; extensive member****p list (80+), aliases, profiles
> and influence; Illuminati cyphers, occult connections, the Brethren of
> Minerva and more. New discoveries never before seen in print or on the
> Web.
>
> North American Forum: The Secret Cabal of Trinational Elites
> My first thought following the news of the secret meeting of elites at
> Banff Springs Hotel, Alberta, Canada (Sept. 12-14), was that this
amounted
> to a new group of insiders in the tradition of the Bilderbergers. This
> *****sment turned out to be more precise than I had originally
> anticipated.
>
> The Order of the Skull and Bones
> The story begins at Yale, where three threads of American social history
-
> espionage, drug smuggling and secret societies - intertwine into one.
>
>
>
>
> "The main features of the Weishaupt plan of operation required his
> Illuminati to do the following things to help them to accomplish their
> purpose:
>
>
> 1. Monetary and *** bribery was to be used to obtain control of men
> already in high places in the various levels of all governments and
other
> fields of endeavor. Once influential persons had fallen for the lies,
> deceits, and temptations of the Illuminati, they were to be held in
> bondage by application of political and other forms of blackmail,
threats
> of financial ruin, public exposure, and physical harm, even death to
> themselves and loved members of their families.
>
>
> 2. The Illuminati who were on the faculty of colleges and universities
> were to cultivate students possessing exceptional mental ability and who
> belonged to well-bred families with international leanings, and
recommend
> them for special training in Internationalism. Such training was to be
> provided by granting scholar****ps, like the Rhodes Scholar****p, to those
> selected by the Illuminati. All such scholars were to be first persuaded
> and then convinced that men of special talent and brains had the right
to
> rule those less gifted on the grounds that the m***** do not know what
is
> best for them physically, mentally, and spiritually.
>
>
>
> 3. All influential people who were trapped to come under the control of
> the Illuminati, plus the students who had been specially educated and
> trained, were to be used as agents and placed behind the scenes of all
> governments as experts and specialists. They would advise the top
> executives to adopt policies which would, in the long run, serve the
> secret plans of the Illuminati's one world conspiracy, and bring about
the
> destruction of the governments and religions they were elected or
> appointed to serve.
>
>
> 4. They were to obtain absolute control of the press so that all news
and
> information could be slanted to convince the m***** that a one world
> government is the only solution to our many and varied problems. They
were
> also to own and control all the national radio and TV channels.
>
>
> After reading these four points of strategy, we have to admit that our
> mass communications media is controlled at all levels, and that at all
> levels our governments are also infiltrated and controlled, just like
> Weishaupt had planned back in the 1700's. Unfortunately, few people are
> aware of this fact, which is why they make little sense out of many of
the
> world events that take place today."
>
> - Myron Fagan
>
>
>
>
>
> New Content
>
> Monetary Reform: The Only Cure for the Hidden Tax
> Politicians: Cor****ate Courtesans
> U.S. Military Targets Southeast Colorado Part 3
> Their Kingdom Come: Dominionism's Quest for Political Capital in the
> Emergent World Order
> U.S. Military Targets Southeast Colorado Part 2
> U.S. Military Targets Southeast Colorado Part 1 of 3
> The Power Elite Playbook, Oil War One, 1914-1918 Part 13
> The Power Elite Playbook, Beating the Oil War Drums Part 12
> The Power Elite Playbook, Recruiting Willing Puppets Part 11
> Human Compromise
> The Power Elite Playbook, Government by Gunpoint Part 10
> Listen Up, Eye Rollers! - Part 2 of 2
> Deep Oil, Deep Politics
> The Power Elite Playbook, Viet Nam - Plundered Part 9
>
> From below, and the reason most telling, why you should sell your dog
and
> pony show elsewhere....
> "LaRouche would probably approve of their choice of `dangerous'
> groups: more than half of the mentions figure prominently in
> `conspiracy' theories of politics, such as communists, drug dealers,
> Jews, bankers, intellectuals and the mass media. Some
> `conspiracies' are explicitly named: the `zionist-socialist
> movement,' the `international drug ring,' `cartel control of money'
> and the `post-industrial counter-culture.' But other donors identify
> mainstream organizations and leaders as `dangerous,' including the
> `unilateral disarmament advocates,' `eco-freaks,' `Hayden and
> Fonda,' `socialist Democrats' and
> ================================================
> `big labor bosses.'
> ================================================
>
>
>> There is extensive material at www.larouchecampaign.org. Perhaps you
can
>> use it to make your point ironclad.
>
> On the positive side, there are a lot of interesting, if not shocking,
> descriptions of LaRouche's (and his cult followers') activities and
> beliefs.
> For example, LaRouche had a particular dislike for Henry Kissinger and
> went
> all out to try to get him. To name a few things he did to annoy
Kissinger:
> LaRouche circulated a leaflet entitled, "Kissinger: The Politics of
> Faggotry" (p. 151), and had his followers harass Kissinger in Europe
with
> "schoolboy pranks, crank calls," and so forth (p. 150). He also
> disseminated
> an article called "How Henry Kissinger Will Be Destroyed" to Kissinger's
> audience when he spoke at Georgetown University (p. 151). Still, one is
> left
> not really understanding where all the loathing for Kissinger came from.
> Of
> course, it is alleged that LaRouche hates Jewish people, but why did he
> single out Kissinger and why did he insist that Kissinger is gay when
> Kissinger is married and there is no reason to believe that he is gay?
>
> King's description of LaRouche's beliefs and activities makes for
> enjoyable
> reading in the way that a horror movie can make for good entertainment.
If
> King is accurate, then LaRouche (and his followers) are about as
cynical,
> sociopathic, and exploitative as they come. For example, King writes,
"the
> LaRouchians had come to believe that really clever conspirators never
> carry
> out an assassination themselves, but simply spread hate propaganda about
> the
> targeted person which might trigger an attack by some disturbed
> personality
> or fanatic. That way they can never be held legally responsible" (p.
153).
> This book is full of endlessly disturbing descriptions of LaRouche's
> hunger
> for and abuse of power.
> 25 June 1996
> GOVERNMENT MUST INVESTIGATE LAROUCHE CULT
>
> The Executive Council of Australian Jewry called today for an
> investigation
> into the activities of the Lyndon LaRouche political cult in Australia.
>
> The ECAJ, the roof body of Australia's Jewish community, issued the
> following statement today:
>
> "The Lyndon LaRouche cult has established an international reputation
for
> fraudulent and dishonest activities. Last night's Four Corners re****t
> contained disturbing new evidence that the cult's Australian followers
> have
> been involved in activities which are both abhorrent and malevolent,
> consistent with the group's behaviour internationally.
>
> The cult's history has been marked by an antisemitic obsession with
Jewish
> individuals and organisations. The information regarding the group's
> targeting of prominent and respected Jewish Australians will serve as a
> chilling example of the lengths to which such obsessed people will go.
It
> is
> particularly disturbing to learn of the apparent collaboration between
the
> cult and federal and territory political figures.
>
> All Australians have the right to live their lives free of harassment
and
> with their basic privacy and personal security ensured. The ECAJ calls
on
> the Australian government to commission a re****t by law enforcement
> agencies
> as to whether the anti-Australian behaviour of the Australian sup****ters
> of
> Lyndon LaRouche involved any illegal activities, including breaches of
> visa
> regulations."
> The Paranoid Style
>
> LaRouche's parlaying of personal and political conspiracy theories
> into a multi-million dollar financial empire is unique, but paranoid
> political movments occur cyclically in American history. In his
> widely-quoted essay "The Paranoid Style in American Politics,"
> professor Richard Hofstadter argues that in times of economic,
> social or political crisis, small conspiracy-minded groups suddenly
> gain a mass following. The anti-Catholic hysteria of the 1800's, the
> anti-immmigrant movement which led to the Palmer Raids in 1919,
> the Red Scare of the 1950's and other societal convulsions, are
> examples, wrote Hofstadter.
>
> Such movements rise and fall periodically, according to Hofstadter,
> appealing to people fearful about the world political and economic
> situation, and longing for simple solutions to complex problems.
> The use of scapegoats is common among these movements. The
> findings of two academics who studied a LaRouche campaign
> contributor list (available from the Federal Election Commission)
> lend sup****t to the thesis that LaRouche appeals to a paranoid
> constituency. In a 1986 press release, "Who Controls Us: A Profile
> of Lyndon LaRouche's Campaign Contributors," John C. Green and
> James L. Guth of Furman University identify LaRouche as "a new
> celebrity on the extreme right."
>
> "An analysis of his campaign contributors suggests that LaRouche
> should be taken seriously, not as a candidate, but as evidence of the
> failure--and success--American politics," wrote the professors.
>
> According to the results of the study, among LaRouche's
> contributors are a significant pro****tion of Northern neo-populist
> conservatives, "profoundly uncomfortable with modern America
> and susceptible to conspiratorial explanations of their distress. One
> seemed to speak for the others when he listed his major concern as
> `who really controls us?' To many of these alienated people,
> LaRouche's outlandish views offer a plausible answer to this
> question."
>
> According to the study:
>
> "Though LaRouche campaigns as a Democrat, most of his donors
> are independents, with the largest group `leaning' Republican. but
> ordinary people as well, believing that no one can be trusted `most
> of the time.' Very few say they are optimistic about their future or
> that of the country. They are equally disillusioned with politics,
> 40% re****t having become discouraged and ceased participating at
> some point. These attitudes extend to current political groups as
> well. Three-quarters feel `far' from mainstream conservative
> organizations such as the Chamber of Commerce. Roughly equal
> numbers feel `close' and `far' from more reactionary groups like the
> John Birch Society. Uniform dislike, however, is reserved for
> liberal advocates of change; the ACLU, Common Cause and Ralph
> Nader.
>
> "LaRouche is most criticized for his political intolerance, a trait
> exhibited by his contributors. To measure tolerance, we asked all
> donors to name a group they regarded as `dangerous' and then
> asked if they would allow a member of that group to run for
> president, speak in a public place or teach in public school. Only a
> quarter of the LaRouchians would allow a member of their
> `dangerous' group to engage in all three activities and another
> quarter would allow none.
>
> "LaRouche would probably approve of their choice of `dangerous'
> groups: more than half of the mentions figure prominently in
> `conspiracy' theories of politics, such as communists, drug dealers,
> Jews, bankers, intellectuals and the mass media. Some
> `conspiracies' are explicitly named: the `zionist-socialist
> movement,' the `international drug ring,' `cartel control of money'
> and the `post-industrial counter-culture.' But other donors identify
> mainstream organizations and leaders as `dangerous,' including the
> `unilateral disarmament advocates,' `eco-freaks,' `Hayden and
> Fonda,' `socialist Democrats' and `big labor bosses.'
>
> "These kinds of attitudes occur among other conservative activists,
> but rarely to this extent. And the LaRouchians differ from other
> conservatives in demographic terms as well. LaRouche's donors
> seem to be the remnant of the `small town America' of a generation
> ago. Nearly three-quarters were born in the Midwest or Northeast
> and more than half still live there, outside the major cities. Most
> spent their adult life in one or two states; the only major move they
> have ever made was to retire to the Sunbelt. Two-thirds are 55 or
> older, male, of WASP or German extraction, and products of
> [nuclear two-parent] families. They are not, however, particularly
> religious; most belong to mainline Protestant denominations and
> few are active church members. "
>
> The authors concluded, "it is alienated people who make fringe
> candidates possible. LaRouche should be taken seriously as a
> symptom of distress in a small part of the body politic. His limited
> appeal is a sign of the basic health of America politics."
>
> One historian, author George Seldes, thinks LaRouche has
> followed another seldom travelled but clearly recognizable historic
> path--the road from Socialism through National Socialism to
> Fascism. Seldes has authored some ten books concerning
> authoritarianism and thinks LaRouche's theories and style represent
> classic "Mussolini-style fascist" ideology. Seldes' analysis carries
> weight especially since he wrote a biography of Mussolini in 1935
> titled
>
> Secret Agent LaRouche
>
> In a sense LaRouche is a "Silicon Caesar" since he has risen to
> power through a sophisticated computerized telecommunications
> network which gathers political and economic intelligence and then
> packages it for dissemination through newsletters, magazines,
> special re****ts and consulting services. Former Reagan advisor and
> National Security Council senior analyst, Dr. Norman Bailey, told
> NBC re****ter Pat Lynch the LaRouche network was "one of the
> best private intelligence services in the world."
>
> Not everyone shares the view. When Henry Kissinger was told of
> how LaRouche operatives met with high Reagan Administration
> officials in the early 1980's, he told the , "If this is
> true, it would be outrageous, stupid, and nearly unforgivable."
> Dennis King, co-author of the article which
> examined LaRouche's influence in scientific and intelligence
> circles, says during the first Reagan term LaRouche aides managed
> to gain "access to an alarming array of influential persons in
> government, law enforcement, scientific research and private
> industry." These ties form the basis of the LaRouche "CIA defense"
> against the charges he conspired to obstruct justice. LaRouche
> claims he believed his security aide Roy Frankhauser, a former Ku
> Klux Klan leader and government law enforcement informant, was a
> covert conduit to the CIA.
>
> John Rees, an ultra-conservative whose
> newsletter re****ts on political extremes on the left and right, says
> he "believes the story that LaRouche staffers had
> access to a lot of people." But he points out, "If you have all the
> electronic resources and information-gathering staff that LaRouche
> posesses you are bound to come up with occasional gems, that's
> what most people were interested in, not the LaRouche
> philosophy." Both King and Rees feel the Reagan Administration
> consciously began distancing itself from contacts with the
> LaRouche network following the and NBC
> stories.
>
> Russ Bellant, a long-time LaRouche watcher from Detroit, notes
> that in the mid-1970's LaRouche simultaneously turned to the right
> and tried to link up with more respectable groups, including, for a
> brief period, several state Republican Party organizations. "Some
> tactical political alliances with various right-wing groups were
> made on the basis of LaRouche's scurrilous disruption campaigns
> against mutual enemies, especially liberal Democrats," says Bellant.
> In fact, LaRouche has consistently targetted the American left, and
> done so with material and moral sup****t from small but significant
> elements in law enforcement, the Republican Party and the
> American far right. There is also evidence to suggest that the
> LaRouche organization maintained a cozy relation****p with certain
> elements in U.S. and foreign intelligence, military and police
> agencies.
>
> Bellant and other LaRouche-watchers feel the LaRouche network
> and its questionable finances and intelligence activities may have
> been overlooked by certain individuals in intelligence and law
> enforcement agencies. "These persons were focusing more on the
> information being churned up by LaRouche's intelligence-gathering
> apparatus," says Bellant.
>
> LaRouche-related financial operations have run afoul of the law
> before, but by adopting an aggressive legal strategy his groups have
> been able to fend off successful prosecution for years until cases
> were dropped or settled by exhausted plaintiffs and prosecutors.
> One Illinois case involving LaRouche-b |
